We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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