i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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