Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
