I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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