btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
