he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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