NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
