i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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