so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
