Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
