so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
