I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
