he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
