seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
