its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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