I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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