just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
