I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The struggles of a small town man whore
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
