i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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