Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
