I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
