...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
