Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
