It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
