I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
