i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
