When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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