The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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