he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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