worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
