Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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