his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
