Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize