Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
