arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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