He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he thought i was a dude.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
