oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
