They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
