My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
