:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
