I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Randomize
