He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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