No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
a search helicopter?!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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