I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
