well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
