I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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