i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
