I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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