Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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