I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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