he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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