It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
