I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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