She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
