last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
