Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
now i know why i became what i already was.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
