the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
