so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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