OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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