it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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