life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
be right there i have to get my cape
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
