He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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