Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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