I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
