I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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