im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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