did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
