OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
