To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
