I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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