i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
