i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
