It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am available for nakedness
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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